Jonghyun Memorial


Thank you for supporting me in this and taking part in the memorial for our Jonghyun. All the letters are beautiful and your words of support for me that were included in the emails were much appreciated and I hold them in my heart, really. Thank you for the patience while it took me a bit long to do this and I changed the date a few times.

This is the song he made for us to give us comfort during his death and here is a video with translations below.

“I can’t just watch you be the same as me”, really hit me. You see, he loves all of us so much. Please try to be happy for him and get better. Don’t fall down the same path he did. I often get the question as to why did he do it, didn’t we or SHINee or his family mean anything to him, etc. I get it, I ask myself those questions too. Nothing could ever justify what he did or make it less selfish but I do forgive him and I understand he wasn’t in his right state of mind. People make depression out to be some mental disorder, in reality, it’s a feeling that tries to tear you apart and it gets worse and worse to the point you fall down the same path Jonghyun did. It consumes you if you let it and it weakens you if you’re not strong enough to fight it. Please don’t be the same as him, please may no more Shawols kill themselves. I know you’re strong enough to be okay. I always tell people, there has to be darkness to see the stars. Overcome your darkness and see the shining star that Jonghyun is now.

Hopefully, this memorial won’t be sad but it brings you peace.

Here is a beautiful letter from Annalee:

“Dear Jonghyun,

I still don’t know how to write this, a memorial, a tribute.  I still don’t know how to write about you in the past tense.  But I want to participate in a memorial, to make sure you are remembered, to make sure everyone knows how much we love you.

To start off with what I loved most about you.  I wasn’t sure what my answer to that was.  There are obvious answers, such as your talent, your voice, your smile; there are deeper ones, such as your courage, your support, your compassion.  I loved how you always encouraged others, and stood up for what you believed in, even if I didn’t always agree.  I loved how you sought to help people, how you looked after your brothers, mother, and sister.  And there are little things; I loved how you always fixed your hair in front of any reflective surface, I loved how you got excited over matters, the way you looked at your brothers.  But to say I loved any of these most can’t be done.  It is a hard question because, when you love someone, you love them as a whole; you overlook faults, and even small eccentricities become dear, so pinpointing a reason or a trait that mattered most, I can’t decide.  I love you because you are Jonghyun, one of the bright, shining stars that made my life so much better, who brought me joy just by seeing you, who worked so hard and achieved so much and yet remained humble (mostly, as I still remember the comment about how your heart didn’t flutter, you made other hearts flutter 😉 ).

The second, to name a favorite memory of you; that was easier, for I saw you in person in Chicago, and despite how dreamlike it seems over a year and a half later, that night is easily one of my most important memories of you and your brothers.  To sit there in the same room and see you in front of me, surrounded by people who loved all of you the same way I did, I am grateful I had the chance to experience.  I will cherish that night in my heart, and continue to cherish every new memory as well.

So, my love, this concludes yet another letter.  I only want to add, thank you for your life, and for giving so much of it to others to make them happy.  Now I know you are, too, and far along in the future, I will see you and tell you myself.

As always, I love you, Jonghyun.  And I always will.”

Here is a beautiful letter from April:

“Jonghyun, I hope you’re well and making music in heaven. I always admired your talent and how hard you worked to make music, I miss the time of SM The Ballad and really didn’t appreciate your work till it was too late. I was so happy when I got the chance to get a copy of your Story Op.2 CD earlier this year, the first item of yours that I bought despite all the different CDs you have with SHINee. There are so many moments about you that are memorable but the one that’s always stuck in my head is the live video of U&I with the white top and big wide brimmed hat, you looked so happy to be freely jamming with the band. I’m sure a lot of people were happy that day. 
You did well our dino Bling Bling. Please look after your brothers from heaven, they are working hard so you won’t be forgotten.”
And this beautiful letter from JM is uploaded as a Word document:
Thank you for participating and I’m sure they made Jonghyun happy and gave a sense of comfort to other Shawols and even helped them in ways, I’m sure. If anyone else would like to participate, it’s not too late to share your feelings or a message to Jonghyun by leaving them in comments. If not, it’s perfectly okay.
Jonghyun, it’s day forty-two. Or is it forty-three? I seem to be a bit mixed up, I’m sorry. I miss you as always. The concert will be coming up soon around the two month mark of since you went to sleep and part of me is looking forward to it while the other part of me is dreading it, I suppose. I just don’t want to see the concert and you not being there and I know the other boys will have a hard time. But then I think how much they suffer even way more than me so I know I can be strong and support them. They seem to be doing better and that makes me happy, they look tired and you notice the sadness and heartache is there but they’re doing much better than the last time I saw them. It helped to put my mind at ease a bit. I’m getting your album soon, it seems like your last gift to us is my favorite album of yours, thank you. I’ll cherish it always. I actually wrote a letter for you the other day which will be in transit to Korea soon and will reach your memorial place in SM Coex Artium, so I’m glad you’ll be able to receive. I’m sorry I can’t send flowers too. I’ll do my best to send the boys flowers with an encouraging letter of support to their Japan waiting room, once I do some research and find out if there’s a way. I’m sure they would like that. Well, I seem to be at a loss of words since I just wrote you that letter a day ago. Until my next letter, I love you and miss you always ❤

Taemin Popularity Award at 27th Seoul Music Awards

Trans of Taemin’s acceptance speech read by Leeteuk: “Hello, this is Taemin. I thank you so much to be able to receive this award at Seoul Music Awards. I am spending my days well as I rest while traveling and experiencing new things I had never done before. Running without pause until now, I had really gained experience and lots of memories, but looking back now at the memories I wasn’t able to make back then feels good. To fans who gave us such big love, and to those others who gave me attention, thank you so much. Please wait just a little bit because we will be back soon looking our best. And thank you so much, Teukie hyung, who is helping me to receive this award despite being busy. Happy new year and look after your health since it’s cold. And lastly, to our Jonghyunnie hyung watching from heaven, I am so sorry and thank you so much, and thank you, Onew hyung, Key hyung, Minho hyung. Thank you, Father in heaven.”

My baby is too precious, my goodness! ❤

Jonghyun Memorial New Date

Hello, I hope you’re all well.

The new date for the memorial I’m hosting on here will be Sunday, January 28th. Thank you for your patience since this is a bit difficult for me. If any of you wanted to share your thoughts or feelings and messages to him by emailing me with the subject “Jonghyun Memorial” then you still have time. It’s a few days away still so don’t rush. I understand it’s difficult. Thanks to those who have shared their feelings and submitted their letters to me as well.

Yes, I see them and read them. I’m sorry for not responding if you were expecting a response, one was so beautiful I was even at a loss for words and brought me to tears. Also, it’s good to hear often from my friends and followers here that I bring much comfort to them and inspirational sayings. It makes me glad to know I can be some strength.

Jonghyunnie 2.jpg

Day thirty-five, your last gift to us came today. Thank you! Seeing the music video was hard and I wasn’t ready but did it anyway since I knew I would see clips on social media and I wanted to help with streaming. I guess this is really goodbye, isn’t it? We can’t get anymore real than this, it’s impossible to continue to deny reality. I wish you were alive to see the success of your album and the recognition you’ve always wanted for your talent. Why is it people show they care when it’s too late? People and things are often taken for granted but the truth is, anything could happen. A person could die for whatever reason and the world may end any minute. People with a lot of money are careless with it, people put work before loved ones, people forget to appreciate the simple things such as the beauty of a sunset or simply a bird in a tree. I hope people stop taking things and those in their lives for granted.

I want you to know that I never took you or SHINee for granted. I love and appreciate every moment I have with you boys in my life and whenever the day comes for the group SHINee to rest as well and the boys go their separate ways, I’ll hold onto the memories like I have of you. The album, especially the song “Before Spring Comes”, was a punch in the gut and it all hurt way more than I could have ever imagined. I’m still not okay quite yet, am I? I wonder when I’ll completely recover from this and not be sad when I think of you at all. I’m still upset with you at times, I’m sorry. When this album came out, I just thought “such a waste”. But what’s done is done, it was your choice and I have no choice but to accept that. It’s been such a bittersweet day. It’s the first time I had feelings of sadness mixed with happiness during a comeback. I hope you’re doing well. As always, I love you and miss you ❤


T4L Jonghyun Memorial Details

Today, I looked in the mirror before going to work and saw what the end of December through the middle of January has done to me. I didn’t look as tired as I thought I would since I haven’t slept well since it happened but I do notice more weight loss added to the amount I already lost from other situations in 2017. The first week, I had no appetite. All I did was force some dinner down my stomach just to not get myself sick. Thankfully, my eating habits are a lot better now and I find myself with more of an appetite.

Not a minute goes by where I don’t think of you, even when there are moments I laugh or smile. However, I still feel as if my laugh and smiles are forced and not quite what they used to be. It’s not really forcing, it’s more like trying to be happy I suppose but in reality, I’m not. I don’t think me or my smiles will ever be the same really and I accept that. I accept the pain I’ll live with in my heart for the rest of my life, I accept all these things and yet it’s so hard to accept you went to sleep. I wonder how much pain you were in and what thoughts were running through your mind before you went to sleep and what led you to do it, I wonder how sad you were and how alone you were during the time it was happening and that just breaks my heart… if only there were a way to go back in time, to save you, to help you not to do it and for you to see how wrong it was… but wishing for it and wondering all these things doesn’t change anything. It’s all pointless. It makes me sad how some people moved on so easily and as each day passes, more and more people talk about you less. I want time to stop for you, I don’t want you to be forgotten, I want something to be posted of you from people everyday… I’m sorry, it’s selfish, isn’t it?

Jonghyun Cutie.jpg

I want to remember you happy like this. It’s been four weeks now, twenty-eight days, and almost exactly a month. Maybe that’s why I’m even sadder than usual this week, I’m sorry. I love you and miss you, as always ❤

My friends, I see so many more followers here and how much this little site of mine is growing. To those who don’t know me, I’m Teresa or most people here call me T4L. Often times you’ll see me going by the name “Tess” these days, which is a nickname that an old friend gave me and it somehow stuck. So don’t be confused if some people call me that. I’ve decided to hold a special event for our Jonghyun on the 18th of January which is coming up in a couple of days. It will be a memorial for him. What we’re going to do is; to say what you loved most about him and tell your favorite memory of him. You can tell your name or remain anonymous. I’ll make a post and post all your beautiful words and we can reminisce together. Also, if you need to let things out and would like any comfort or help in getting through this time, message me your concerns as well and I can reply in the post so that it can help others too. I’m often very good with words and helping others which I’m proud and happy to do, so please share any feelings you have and don’t keep it bottled up. Let’s all stay together as the family that we are during this time, since Shawols are family.

How to participate for the memorial: email me your message about him (saying what you love most about him and your favorite memory regarding him) and any concerns you may have or feelings during this time that you would like to share, with the subject “Jonghyun Memorial” to by January 17th 11:59PM EST and I will make a post with all of them on January 18th. Make them as lengthy as you like ❤

Jonghyun--1of1 Fansign 4

Please take care of yourselves.



Jonghyun “Deja Boo” at Happy Concert


SHINee Japan Update

So SHINee were supposed to have a Japan dome tour in February titled “SHINee World The Best 2018 ~From Now On~”. SM Japan has announced that the decision about continuing the concert and other decisions for the group are being discussed with the members. They asked to please give them time and support while making the decision and that the members are mourning and affected quite badly by this but are facing the sad incident to the best of their ability. The company is giving the boys time to think and will respect whatever decision they make. They ask for patience and thank Shawols for their love and support.


T4L’s 12 Days of Christmas: Day 7


T4L’s 12 Days of Christmas: Day 8

The last few I forgot to give intros! This is TVXQ’s “Sleigh Ride” 🙂


T4L’s 12 Days of Christmas: Day 9


T4L’s 12 Days of Christmas: Day 10